Chapter Nine
It was as if we were saying goodbye to the big chrome safe haven of a machine as we headed for Igloo Paradise. I had a strange feeling in my gut as we followed this huge strong man behaving like a marionette being torn towards his stage. As we got closer to the little buildings we could see some of the inhabitants staring at us. They waved. I wanted to give them the finger, but could stop myself just in time. After all we needed the sickos to get the bus going and we needed to find Tiko.
“Welcome to our humble village,” a guy who must have long passed the age where one still counts the birthdays, said in a trembling voice.
You know the English type, eating nothing but mint filled chocolates and soft butter cookies. His teeth clattered. The skin hanging from his chin waved in the wind. His earlobes did, too. This wasn’t Jessons.
“Let me introduce you to my wife Zelda.”
I expected to see some shaking gray-head with bent legs and a waving stick. But what appeared from behind one of the half sunken iglos almost blew my brains out. Zelda had blond hair which fell down to her well rounded butt, a beaming smile which showed off her set of perfect teeth, a nice firm rack and a pair of hot legs. Lara Croft was a poor man’s dream compared to this knockout playmate!
“I fancy beauty,” the rattling old man said smiling , as he managed to throw his wife a sly look out from under his sagging eyelids, “As do you, I imagine.”
Obviously I had no answer to such a dumb remark.
Zelda shook my hand and in the sweetest voice said: “Hello stranger. You must be hungry after what happened to you over there in the wild desert. Please take the pleasure and dine with us.”
“Ooooh yes, how eh ffrfrfriendly of you, eh,” I stammered looking at her chest slowly rising and falling with her breath. A tiny leather bra just barely managed to contain the boobs.
Lucy pinched my ass cheeks to keep me from losing my mind. With her other hand she probably prevented Mark from showing too much of a stunned face.
“Where is Louis?” Lucy asked.
Between the half sunken igloos, Louis would stick out like a Snickers bar poking out of Mom’s Panna Cotta. He didn’t. Shit. Because of Zelda’s rack I had almost forgotten about my friends. But where could he have gone? All the igloos looked the same…
“Don’t worry about the big guy,” Zelda said, her silky voice almost causing my brain pan to melt. “I’m sure he just returned to his friend.”
Before I was able to think that over, Zelda had already taken me by the hand, and with Pops following in a slow shuffle led us through the village towards their hut. The other onlookers who had so vigorously been waving earlier had disappeared. The swirling dust was all that moved between the igloos.
“Zelda is one hundred and some years old,” Waving Chin said. “I don’t remember the exact age. We’ve been together for so long that we stopped counting. She underwent Father Jessons’ cleansing a few months ago. I cannot wait to follow her in that. But the Father said I wouldn’t be ready yet as I would still completely misunderstand the direction of the road we’d be taking. I’m still too hungry for all the earthly delights.”
Who could blame the poor guy with this babe swinging her curved hips into his side. I wondered what kind of cleansing could have turned a piece of dried-out skin into this bitch?
“So she’ll have to do with the old me ‘till then.”
His smile showed the three last teeth dangling from his upper jaw.
I daydreamed about kidnapping Zelda. But then where could we go? Still, she’d awakened the cannibal in me. I mean, what are these guys doing here, keeping pretty girls away from young studs like me. Jessons’ cleansing, ha! Bullshit!
We had arrived at what seemed to be the couple’s igloo. Zelda still held my hand as she pulled me through the entrance and down the stairs towards their what she called ‘humble home’, down where the desert heat couldn’t invade. The air was fresh and in the back I heard water splashing, like from a sparkling spring. The walls of the igloo-style hut were painted in a sandy color and showed different drawings similar in style to the hunting scenes the ape-man used to paint on rocks. Only that here they just had some serious banging going on.
“I see you like art,” Zelda said in her satin voice, “I try my best to create a fitting atmosphere, so that the ancient spirits of the desert can feel at home here.”
“Ah, yes, of course, how lovely,” I said, thinking that this woman was totally berserk after all. No need to further break my head over any kidnapping plans.
The old man slithered past us and opened the door to a small living room. In the middle was a huge round wooden table covered with all kinds of strange fruit, a huge pot filled with steaming rice and a plate with what looked like chopped grilled meat.
“Please be seated and enjoy what we have to offer you. Or would you prefer to bathe first?” he asked, his eyes drilling mine as if he knew what I’d been thinking earlier.
“I don’t know about you,” I said to Mark and Lucy. “I feel totally sticky and I think a shower would really do me good.”
“Oh yes, please let us take a bath first so that we can better enjoy the evening with you,” Lucy said. She looked at me as if to tell me: “Stop looking at Miss Boob and try to think, dick-head!!!”
Which was really not that easy with all that Zelda was waving into one’s face. She showed us to their bath. What is there to say about two round tubs already filled with hot bubbling water. The smell of summer blossoms left me speechless as I stared at the little miracle. I felt like finally calming down in a private oasis. We’d been through so much over these few hours: the burning heat, crazy Indians and a dead priest, even a life threatening thunderstorm. Here I felt protected from whatever else there’d be in stall for us.
As soon as Zelda had shown us the towels and lotions, Lucy thanked her with a threatening smile, pushed her out and shut the door.
She turned to me: “What do you think you are doing, little brother? This is not a game. These people are dangerous, they kidnap innocent blockheads like Louis or you and use them for their plans. Oh, how easy it is to manipulate you men. One just needs to push a few wobbling boobs into your face and you come running, leaching for more. Don’t you see what is going on here? You can’t let them distract you. We need to get out of here fast!”
“Hey Lucy, slow down,” Mark said. “We still need someone to fix the bus, remember? Or did you plan to do it all by yourself, maybe with a little help of some desert sand? And let’s not forget about Louis and Tiko, of whom we found no trace, yet.”
He held her face and softly caressed her cheek. “Calm down Lucy. A little bath and some nice food would do us all some good. We can start making plans after the break. And eh, what was that you said about boobs? “
He grinned then turned, stripped, took off his yellow leg, put it against the wall and jumped into one of the tubs.
Lucy stared at us with a half angry look.
“O.k. Mark, you won. And you Damon, turn around, so I can finally get in the water.”
I quickly undressed and jumped into the other one. They were both right. We needed some time to relax so we’d be able to think clearly again, but on the other hand we also had to leave the place as soon as possible. Things just didn’t feel good here. True, Zelda was a knockout and I couldn’t stop imagining her wonderful breasts enveloping my face. She’d be choking me, for sure. But hey, try to understand. What a sweet death it would be. I never once had a girlfriend. Apart from Lucy, Midville didn’t have much to offer. Unfortunately, she was my sister. Now don’t tell me you wouldn’t fall for a hit like Zelda.
While I was busy thinking, I suddenly felt a strange sensation creaping up my head and went under. It wasn’t the water pulling me under or such. I simply lost control. I vaguely remember trying to reach for air. Instant PANIC! For a moment I was like paralyzed. But then my brain set back in. Obviously my will to survive was stronger than whatever tried to hold me down. Although my arms felt like someone had tied huge sandbags to them, I managed to get my head up out of the water and took a deep breath.
The moment I was able to breathe again I also began slowly regaining my forces.
Now what the hell was that? I couldn’t make out anything unusual in the tub. You know, like the Species creature or such. I still felt dizzy. I thought it safer to keep to its side so I held onto the rim with one hand.
The struggle and the shock had tired me so that I didn’t care much about what they had going on in the other tub. Mark and Lucy were too entwined to notice anything. No way I could count on them right now.
The place made me angry. What was it that had gotten us here in the first place? We wanted to free Tiko and to get Louis’ bus working again. That was all. But what was I doing in a friggin’ tub? With my hot sister and her overheated boyfriend in the one next to me and a damned one-hundred-and-something year old babe outside? This didn’t make sense. It wasn’t me. I need space. A window to look out at the world, real flowers, the sky. Not some bunker half hidden in the sand, making you feel cozy while closing your eyes to other people’s miseries. I made up my mind. We had to get out of here tonight.
I quickly dried off and slipped out of the bath with Lucy’s purring in my ears. She apparently had lost the idea of saving Tiko somewhere between Mark’s calves.
Now where was Louis? The hut wasn’t too big so I decided to first walk back upfront. I tried the door between the dining and the entrance. Nothing, completely dark. Better try another one. Before I could look for another door, I suddenly heard the old man’s pantoufles shuffling closer from the side. No time for thinking. I slipped inside the darkness of the room, closed the door and held my breath.
Slowly my eyes adjusted to the black. I was able to recognize more - some boards, a chair - still I had no idea of what it was I was seeing here. On a little case in the back of the room a tiny red light suddenly started blinking, like a silent phone waiting to be picked up.
It was attached to a small machine looking like some transmitter or receiver with all kinds of switches and buttons. Could it be some sort of device to keep the damn’ igloo at a comfortable level? Judging from the design - if ever there’d been one - it was homemade. The material appeared to be copper or such, but whoever had hammered the thing together didn’t give a shit about straight cuts nor did he care about symmetry. As if the Hulk had tried putting the kit together without consulting its instructions.
I let my hands slide along the wall to see if I could find a switch to put some light onto the thing. Nothing. Through the thin door I could hear Pops enter the bath just as Lucy was screaming out her passion.
“Oh you sweet young beasts, I can’t wait to feel the heat again with my Zelda,” blabbeled the old guy.
Some people have a talent for bad timing. My God, what had Louis gotten us into?
“SHUT the fuuucking door, CREEEEEEEP!”
Now that was Lucy … I wished to have seen his face. Probably one of his remaining teeth fell out, if not all, as he shut his drooling mouth over her rude talk. Finally he had gotten to know the real Lucy.
All the while I’d kept sliding along the wall so that by now I’d arrived at the other side of the room. The light still flashed. A sideboard hung high from the wall. As I got closer I could make out all kinds of small metal drawers hidden in its front panel. Standing on my toes I tried reaching for and opening them but they didn’t move. The red light kept flashing.
What if I’d push the little button, I thought. Things might get worse. What if I’d break something? Would we ever get a chance to find and rescue our friends and flee? We didn’t know anything about the other cultists. Would they still be as friendly as Shaking Leaf here, after they discovered what I’d have set in motion? Then again maybe it’s nothing?! Or a control button for the heating. Still, would it blink this red if it was so unimportant?
If the other cultists already had regained their youth and strength, we wouldn’t stand a chance to get away. But staying here would definitely turn us into vegetables. I remembered the first moments in the tub while going down. It was as if I lost consciousness, free will and common sense all in one. It was an experience I wouldn’t wish my worst enemies.
But what to do? I need to act, to make a change. I can’t just stand here, doing nothing. I went over and looked for an inscription or manual. Nothing. Damn! The light flashing red, dark, red, dark, pulling at me like a magnet. What the hell, I’ll push it!
Instantly it stopped flashing and stayed red. A few drawers opened, forming a sort of passage, like a staircase, enabling me to climb the sideboard. It was a hidden entrance to a tiny room. In it a light went on the moment I stepped through. In the middle of the room a square brass bed stood silently humming. Over it hang some sort of metal tent or pyramid-like net with a golden plate hammered to it.
‘The Juveniligator’ was enscribed in it. On the bed lay a sort of huge towel of the softest material with in the middle, half sunken in, a baby. It stared at me with huge eyes.
“You stupid moron, get me out of here, quick!!!”
Holy cow! I was baffled, what is going on here? Talking babies!
“Jesus, stop staring, it’s me Tiko, don’t you see???”
To be honest, I didn’t.
“You probably got hypnotised by the bitch’s tits, too. They put me in here and when you arrived they activated their machine. I’m lucky it didn’t turn me into a stupid fetus, yet.”
It was Tiko, all right.
“What do we do now? Can you walk?” I asked while thinking that if from now on he’d be in need of frequent caresses, I’d refuse.
“NOOOO!!!!! Fuck walking, I crawl! You know, babies crawl.”
I was lucky. No need for any of those.
“O.K., calm down Tiko. Let’s think things over. Isn’t there some way to get you back to normal?”
“Calm down, CALM DOWN!! I mean: LOOK at me! They reduced me to a fucking BABY! I have some two teeth left and can’t even walk. And you tell me to calm down!! Get me out of the stupid cradle NOW. Warn the others. This place and the freaks living here are dangerous. Tell me Damon, did you get in the bath?”
“Why, yes. And as far as I know, Lucy and Mark are still in it, fucking their brains out.”
“Please spare me the candy details. I need to think straight. I believe it to be some kind of pre-stadium to this machine. If you take a bath, somehow it’s easier for them to work on you.”
“But what’s the point? Aren’t we young enough already?”
“Damon, brainwashing infants is much easier than telling stubborn grownups what to do. I guess you stopped the process here just before the damn machine got to my braincells. They can also put you in some kind of temporary trance. You won’t grow younger but you start acting like their puppet. But let’s not waste any more time questioning these fruitcakes’ why and how. We need to get out of here faster than a speeding bullet!!!”
I lifted him out of the small bed and carrying him with me, climbed back into the other room as silently as possible. Before stepping down the drawers again, I threw back one last look at the strange scenario. After all you don’t get to be in such a freaky place every day. Hoping that by again pushing the tiny button on the copper box, the entrance would somehow close in itself, I went over and did so. It started blinking again and YES, the drawers slowly started gliding back into their original position. The secret passage was gone.
Just as I was thinking what would happen if one of our overfriendly hosts would peek into the room and discover that I’d just stolen their latest hope in breeding mindless offspring, I observed the doorhandle being pushed down. Probably the old sod. No need to be afraid. But still - better be cautious. I hid behind the door.
“My dear young friend, are you in here?”
It was him all right, and he knew. Shit!
“Come on out, we’d like you to dine with us.”
I pushed the door close.
“Aah, there you are, and I see you found your young companion! Isn’t he sweet?” he said, bending over to cuddle Tiko.
Do these people ever get to face reality or are they constantly living their fantasies? I mean, let’s face it: here I am trying to steal my baby-sized friend from their home and this guy still acts friendly to me.
Tiko had a different opinion on things. With his little fingers he poked straight into Pops’ left eye. The old man screamed out in pain and for help. With Tiko dangling from my hand, I quickly ran over to the bath. Zelda was nowhere to be seen. Good! As I opened the door it looked as if the loverbirds were about to finish their mating game. Terrific!!!
Lucy lay on her back next to the tub with Mark on top of her, their legs dangling in the water. He was busy kneading her boobs.
“Listen carefully and please don’t interrupt me” , I said before either one could open their mouth: This is Tiko.”
Imagine Lucy’s face!
“I found him in another room. He was being treated in the same manner as Zelda, but I think I interrupted the process just in time. Now get dressed quickly and let’s get OUT of here! You didn’t by any chance find out about Louis?”
“Eh, no but we will,” Lucy said staring at little Tiko still dangling from my hand. They both dressed quicker than Superman. Mark forgot to fix his leg but Lucy picked it up while storming towards the exit. It’s amazing to see Mark running on just one leg. He’s faster than me on two.
A soft warm drizzle and the incoming night didn’t make things easier. It only took a few minutes before we were soaked again. Orientation wasn’t my strength. I knew more or less from what side we had come, but the iglos all looked the same to me. The cultists didn’t care too much about individuality, I guess. Through the rain I could make out the hill in the distance where we had left the bus.
“We need to stay close together,” I said to the others, “Otherwise we’ll get lost before we’re able to find Louis. Let’s first try over there, to the right, ok?”